


A Science Fair Project

by FrickenChicken_FuckinCluckin



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics)
Genre: Five is a bastard gremlin, It’s mainly Five and Reggie, Luther and Allison get speaking lines that’s why they’re tagged, Reggie manages to be a bigger piece of shit in the comics, This is the written version of my favorite scene from the comics, so this is unrelated to the show, this is from Dallas btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-07
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2021-01-25 00:53:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21347593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FrickenChicken_FuckinCluckin/pseuds/FrickenChicken_FuckinCluckin
Summary: Reginald told them that some men would be coming to observe their skills, he never said what skills they should show and Five is going to take advantage of that.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	A Science Fair Project

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on my favorite scene from the comic books! Dallas to be exact.
> 
> Comic book Five is the most Feral Bastard ever omg

“You are to be on your best behavior. If anyone of you steps a  toe out of line there will be consequences for everyone. These are a few of the most powerful men in France and they are here to observe the academy and your individual skills. I have talked highly of you children and you are not to make a fool of me or face severe punishment. Am I understood?” 

Five rolled his eyes at the older man pacing in front of him and his siblings. Reginald always gave the same speech when he wanted to impress one important person or another. ‘Don’t be idiotic’, ‘be on your best behavior or else’, ‘consequences for everyone.’ It was the same few phrases repeated over and over, it was  exhausting. For some unknown reason those words never failed to scare his siblings despite the repetition. Reginald had lost his effect on Five years before. Now it was just a game to him, how far he could push back before his dear ol’ dad murdered him, or have one of his siblings get rid of him. It’d been ten years and nothing that extreme had happened yet so the game continued. Reginald wanted to impress these posh fuckers, well then, Five would make sure to leave an impression. His siblings would be pissed as all hell but he’s stopped caring about their opinion of him a while ago, they were barely siblings, peers may be a closer description of their relationships. With an exception of Number Three and Number One, there was something going on there that wasn’t quite professional and definitely not a familial bond, at very least on Number Three’s end. Five thought of it as simply a distraction rather than anything else. 

  
  


He should probably care a bit more about what the public thought of the academy but disappointing a few foreigners wouldn’t be the end of the world and besides, if anyone thought the academy was still going to be a thing once everyone got a choice? They had to be higher than Number Four. Plus, he was so  so  close to cracking time travel soon everything Hargreeves had ever done wouldn’t mean anything. He would be free to go anywhere, anytime. So really, in the long term, messing around wouldn’t be all that big of a deal. 

“Number Five!” Sir Hargreeves’ voice boomed, breaking through the child’s thoughts.

“Yes sir?” The small boy asked.

“You have a... history of poor behavior while the academy has company over. I shall be keeping a close eye on you tomorrow. I suggest that you do as told, if you know what is best for yourself.” The Monocle said in a low, threatening voice, leaning down to make eye contact with the boy. All he got was a scoff and eye roll in return. Reginald’s cheap scare tactics won’t work on him that easily. 

“I think your pathetic attempts at intimidation might work better with Number Six or Séance. But if it will get you out of my face then I promise I will show off my skills for whoever the hell you’re bringing over.” 

With a humm Reginald straightened back up yet still maintained eye contact with the defiant ten year old. 

“Father?” A small voice called out.

“Do not call me that!” 

“Sorry, sir.” Number Three said, “But why exactly are these men coming to observe us?” 

Reginald sharply turned to the purple haired girl, stalking toward her as he explained, “That is none of your concern. You are all dismissed, leave. Now!” With that the six children left. 

  
  


* * *

“You better not mess this up for us Number Five!” Number One ordered him as soon as the group left the room.

“Fuck off, Number One.” The smaller boy snapped back. He didn’t have time for these idiots, he had a plan to carry out. 

* * *

True to what they were told, a day later two French men showed up to observe them individually. Five nearly vibrated with anticipation at what The Monocle’s face would look like when Five showed off his ‘intelligence’. 

The men decided to go in order of their assigned numbers, Five figured Number One and Number Two would spend a lot of time trying to show off and make sure they do better than the other, Number Three should be fairly fast if she doesn’t try and talk their ears off, and Number Four’s demonstration should be practically nonexistent, he was probably going to be too high to do anything. Between all of them Five had extra time to really prepare his project. 

Those bastards better show up soon, he thought beginning to get annoyed with waiting. 

Number Five’s predictions must have been accurate as the three older men walked into his presentation room three and a half hours later. Five smiles up at them, game time. He stepped to the side to let them get a good look at what he had made  just for them .

The men simply stared at him for a minute before one of the visitors spoke up, “This is not...how you say  an elementary school science fair , Monsieur Hargreeves! We were told the children were of superior intellect and extraordinary ability—Though this appears to not be the case.” 

The younger of the two nodded along to the others words, “I am of the same opinion as my colleague, Sir Reginald. This is an embarrassment for you.” He said with a thick accent. 

The man in question glared down at the boy before them, “I am well aware of that, gentlemen,” He snapped back with barely controlled rage, “Do you have anything to say for yourself, Number Five?” 

Five gave them a bored look and lazily held out his hand, “Well, rather than bore our esteemed guests with an arrogant display of my time-displacement capabilities or a diagrammed thesis on slips in the chromosphere—I have decided on something much more interesting and far less insulting—an  exact replica of the solar system. ” He finished with as little enthusiasm as he could articulate. 

Reginald leaned down to his level, observing the shoebox solar system with disgust, “Disappointingly  obvious , Number Five, although to call it “exact” is of far greater arrogance as you seem to have left out one important detail.  The Earth is missing. ” 

“Are you sure?” Five asked, examining his nails with disinterest, “It’s rather small, so it might be hard to see. It should be the third from the sun.” 

Reginald whipped around to face him once again, “I know where  the Earth is you idiot. Have a look for yourself.” 

Five rolled his eyes but decided to oblige, he leaned down to peer into the box, already knowing there was no Earth, “Wow...would you look at that?” He asked with wide eyes and fake shock.

Reginald sneered at him and leaned in to whisper in the child’s ear, “I know you did this on  purpose .” He quickly stood up, and turned towards the other two occupants of the room, “I apologize gentlemen, right this way.” He said, gesturing towards the door, “I want you to take this down to the incinerator, Number Five, and destroy it.” 

With that the trio left the room, leaving behind the smirking child. Oh Five was in for it, Reginald would surely come up with something truly sadistic because of this, but it was a thousand percent worth it, no matter the consequences, “Understood.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading my very very niche fic!


End file.
